Erica's Editing Room

I feel like my dreams have been shattered. Like I have no purpose anymore. The thing I wanted to do so badly—to be a school counselor—has been put on hold. Maybe it’s over for now. One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is just how quickly life can unravel. You think you’ve got it all figured out—set your goals, make your plans, and convince yourself you know exactly where you’re headed—only to watch everything change in an instant, leaving you back at square one, questioning everything. That’s where I am now, trying to piece it all together. I thought I had my future mapped out, especially when I started grad school. My goal was clear and simple: graduate and be a school counselor by 30. That was the dream, the vision I worked toward every single day. I still remember my last year of grad school like it was yesterday. Thanks to an internship at the school that hired me, I was already working in the field. It felt like everything was falling into place. I couldn’t believe my luck...

  I’ve never been a fan of “New Year’s resolutions.” Honestly, I’ve always found the idea of waiting until the calendar flips to make a change a bit arbitrary. Plus, I’m not exactly a holiday enthusiast. My husband and I joke that I’m the literal Grinch. The holidays have never felt the same for me, and I know a lot of it comes from past trauma. Sure, I still show up for family Christmas, do what’s expected, but ever since my mom got sick 15 years ago, something shifted in me. Honestly, I think it all started when my parents divorced 25 years ago, and that’s when Christmas began losing its spark. So here I am again, at the end of another year, still unsure if I want to make any resolutions. I can’t help but wonder if I’m just setting myself up for failure. After the chaos and upheaval I’ve faced this past year, I know something needs to change. I’m still carrying the weight of feeling like I’ve failed in some ways, especially after everything at work. The idea of setting a goal lik...

Have you seen Inside Out 2 ? I think it does an incredible job of illustrating how anxiety can take over both your mind and body. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend it—and be sure to watch the first one too. Honestly, I think these movies should be required viewing for everyone. But I’m not here to give movie recommendations. For me, anxiety shows up in different ways depending on the situation. It’s not always solved by deep breathing, as some people suggest. Don’t get me wrong—deep breathing can help, but it doesn’t fix everything. Anxiety weighs me down, keeps me from relaxing, and leaves me in a constant state of tension. I find myself clenching my teeth or holding my body tight throughout the day, always reminding myself to “relax.” But before I know it, I’m tense again, needing to repeat the process. Physically, anxiety makes me feel like I’m always on edge. My heart races, and I feel like I'm carrying a heavy weight on my chest. I get overstimulated—everything s...

I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety, but this year has been the hardest I’ve ever faced. I’ve encountered some of the toughest days of my life, to the point where simply living stopped feeling like my priority. Admitting this isn’t easy, but there have been times when the thought of ending it all crossed my mind. And, at my lowest, I came dangerously close to acting on those feelings. The truth is, life can be unbearably difficult, and sometimes we’re asked to carry more than we can bear As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more aware of just how much my mental health has deteriorated. I always knew I had "issues," but I convinced myself they weren’t that serious. I wasn’t stuck in bed all day, I didn’t have constant breakdowns, and I could still manage basic tasks like showering, so I assumed everything was fine. But eventually, it wasn’t. I hit a point where I couldn’t even feed myself. I struggled to get out of bed in the mornings, and even the simplest self-car...

  I find myself stuck in a cycle of grief. I’m angry at myself for not doing better, for feeling like a failure. I catch myself bargaining with thoughts like, "It could get better," or "It’s not that bad." Denial keeps whispering, "This isn’t really happening." And depression? Depression feels like it’s taken up permanent residence in my body. Yet, I haven’t reached Acceptance. All of this turmoil—this pain—over a job. A job that I had wrapped my entire identity around. When I was 17, I almost lost my mom. She survived but was left brain-damaged and completely blind. During that time, I didn’t have anyone to turn to. We lived in Florida, far from family—just me, my emotionally distant stepdad, and my mom. Those months between November 2009 and 2010 were some of the hardest, and most confusing, days of my life. They made me realize that there are kids just like me—without someone to lean on. I knew then that when I grew up I wanted to be the adult I needed ...

In 2014, I started a blog as a way to express my thoughts and feelings. Now, a decade later, I feel it's time to restart and share my reflections with those who might be interested. I'm not always the most eloquent, but I have a lot on my mind. This blog is my way of sharing what I believe could be helpful—whether it's to support others or just to help myself navigate life's challenges. Writing has been a therapeutic outlet for me, and right now, I’m at a point where I could really use that therapy. I know that not everyone will agree with or understand my thoughts and opinions, but I believe my purpose in life is to help others. This blog is my way of sharing my perspective, with the hope that it might offer some support or insight to those who engage. I'm not entirely sure what direction this blog will take, but for now, I plan to use it to share life stories, lessons I've learned, and the mental health challenges I've faced. One thing I've discovered ...